Mall Tantrums

During the last holiday season, I am sure most of us have been to the malls more frequently than any other time of the year. And chances are, you have encountered at least one incident of a child throwing tantrums in the mall.

I usually watch the parent’s reactions whenever I see a kid throwing tantrums at the mall, usually demanding some toy or candy.

Some parents would choose to save themselves the trouble or maybe even embarrassment by simply giving in to the kid’s demand. I think some parents even do this to sort of brag that they can afford to buy a lot of toys for their kids. I remember one time I overhear a dad saying to his kid in a voice loud enough for everyone within five meters to hear “ But you have a complete collection of that already, your railroad tracks are even bigger than all of that…” Then goes to buy the toy the kid wants anyway.

Others think they are being discreet by scolding their kids in a very low voice.

Still, others would outdo their kid and make a scene far bigger than the one made by the child in the first place.

The problem with the giving in is that it is a trap. You do it once and your kid will think it is the way to get what they want. And when they grow up they will not even appreciate that anyway. Have you ever heard anyone say “I really treasure those times when I was a kid and my mom would buy me a toy I want whenever I make tantrums at the store”? I don’t think so.

Scolding your kid in a low voice unfortunately still catches attention and does not really make them stop crying or whining.

Of course the last reaction is actually self-defeating.

So how do we avoid the situation in the first place? My suggestion is to avoid actually buying when you are with your kids. When I bring my kids to the mall, I let them look at the toys they like, for as long as they want. If they ask me to buy, I usually simply say, okay, I'm sure Santa will give you that on Christmas if you're a good boy/girl. Or if that we will give it to them on their birthday. If they ask further, I also explain to them that if they keep on buying toys whenever they go to the mall, there will be no more money left to buy other things like milk, and cookies, and crayons and books. That if they buy too many toys, their rooms will be filled with toys they will have no more space to play in. That they will not have enough time to play with each toy if there's just too many of them.

But there are also times when we feel that they deserve a toy even if it’s not yet Christmas or their birthday, I buy it on my next visit to the mall- when they are not with me. Their delight over a nice surprise surely makes it more memorable.

As with any other rules on parenting, consistency is very important in the success of this technique. Sometimes it may be tempting to give in, especially if they are asking for a toy that is very cheap anyway. But you have to remember that it isn’t about the price of the toy. Remember, the point is for them to understand that they will never get what they want by whining or making tantrums.

I remember that when my daughter Yanna was nearly two years old, there were instances that she would try to cry when it’s time to go and she would demand that I pay for the toy she wants. Because my eldest Wico already knows that it is “not time to buy toys”, he was even helping me explain to Yanna.

Since two years old, Yanna has been “mall tantrum”-free. At two and a half now, she knows that if she is a good girl, Santa just might give her the toy she wants for Christmas.